Decisions, Decisions

What do you do when you don't know what to do? Lately, I find myself wondering what to do about many things. My own intelligence has failed me at times, as has the counsel of others. When a decision that seemed right at the time turns out to have been terribly unwise, it does not mean that the choice was not the Lord's will. God ordains everything that comes into our lives for our good and His glory. This includes decisions that seem bad in retrospect.

I do think, though, that sometimes our decisions are too quick, and this can lead to trouble. When we fail to wait on the Lord in these times, He allows us to make decisions that may lead to trials. While He will use these trials for good, I believe there are times when, had we waited on Him, our decision would have brought Him even more glory. Of course, this is not always the case, but as I meditated on the Psalms today, a few of them seemed to really light up this truth. So today, I just want to share a few passages with you, and encourage you to dwell on them for a time. Perhaps, if you have a decision to make, this will be a simple reminder to you to be patient, waiting on the Lord, believing in His faithfulness.

Psalm 37:3-5; 8
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

 Lamentations 3:26
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.

Psalm 27:14
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

These are just a few of my favorites. I hope they will encourage you, and I hope they will whet your appetite for more of God's Word as you wait for His leading. Our God is not typically a God of signs in the sky or voices from heaven, telling us what to do. We must trust in the wisdom He gives us, and we must be patient, waiting on His timing for all things. He is faithful.

Are We "There" Yet?

If I were a performance oriented Christian, I would have to say that this week was a total bust. I did not demonstrate the joy of the Lord most of the time, and I encouraged very few with my words. In fact, I suspect I brought a few people down, and maybe even fed some doubt in others. I got caught up in my troubles, and though I have repented and moved on toward what I hope will be better days, I can't seem to shake the nagging thought that I should be better than this by now. I should be able to catch these thoughts earlier and put them to death by prayer and the Word. But this week, I was not.

Here's my question for you today: Does there come a point in our lives as believers where we are just no longer subject to long periods of sadness over our circumstances? I once had a Christian friend who said, "You're allowed to have a pity party, but only till the pizza arrives." Fifteen minutes or less was her standard for stumbling. Is this right? As mature, seasoned believers, should we be reaching a point where we just don't struggle like we did in our greener days?

The first thing that comes to my mind is a list of very mature believers I know of who struggled terribly with depression and pain. Charles Spurgeon is the first one I think of. He suffered terribly with gout and other painful conditions, and I can see from his sermons and devotions, even very late in his life, that he struggled with depression. I can't be certain that it was related to the pain he suffered, but surely that played a role. Martin Lloyd-Jones is another great writer who struggled with depression. I have known many in my own life who are far ahead of me on the path to holiness, yet still struggle at times with sadness over their circumstances, sometimes doubting God's goodness or struggling to understand His ways. These times of sadness can go on for long periods for them, as they do for me.

So, it cannot be true that as we mature in Christ, we "should" no longer struggle with sadness, even the kind that lasts for days or weeks. As I look back on these last few days. I see that the Spirit's conviction of my sinful self-pity led to true repentance, which is always pleasing to the Lord, and always plants my heart deeper into His. The Lord allowed me to sink into the mire of sadness only so far--not too shallow, so that I would think I pulled myself out, but not too deep, that I might fall into despair. He knows all my thoughts, and more than that, he knows my heart better than I do. (Jer. 17:9) His ways are not my ways, nor are His thoughts my thoughts (Is 55:8). I am so thankful for this, because if I were in control, I would not allow a single heartache. Without these painful circumstance, I would be a shallow Christian, far from the cross and self-sufficient.

We need not be ashamed of our struggles. God has ordained some suffering for each of us, and it is He who orders our thoughts. Our only duty is to keep repenting of sinful self-pity, keep begging the Lord for mercy, and keep praising Him in everything. When we do these things, He will be faithful to answer, and to help us.

Do You Feel Sorry for Yourself?

Compassion is a godly trait. Jesus had compassion on the crowds as they flocked around Him, looking for hope. He had compassion on the Samaritan woman whose only son had died. Our God is compassionate and takes pity on us, replacing our filthy garments with robes of righteousness, saving us from our sin. And, if we don't become bitter or hopeless, we sufferers also tend to be very compassionate people, taking pity on those who are in pain. But sometimes, that pity can take a wrong turn, and become self-pity. This is bondage, and we must fight against it. If you read yesterday's blog post here, you know that I stumbled a bit in this area. I'm not proud of that, but this morning the Lord has made some things clear to me about the thinking I entertained that led me there.

It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves when we are aching, or when we are unable to join our friends in their activities. We can feel left out and abandoned. This is how I was feeling yesterday. The key word there, however, is feel. In reality, we have not been left out or abandoned by the Friend who matters most. Though we may feel lonely, we must not give in to that sense of being alone in our pain. The truth is that our God walks with us through everything we do (Joshua 1:9), so we are never truly alone. As I woke this morning and began to read the Psalms, God showed me where I slipped up yesterday: I let my feelings lead me instead of correct thinking.

The other thing He revealed to me today is that He is gifting you and me with a different kind of strength, another area of capability.  As we continually pore over the Word of God, seeking hope, help and strength in our pain, He generously gives us what we need. As we boast in our weaknesses, He makes us strong through the joy we experience when another sufferer is encouraged because of what we have learned. The truth is, we have been chosen (Is 48) to suffer for the good of others and the glory of God! Our suffering entitles us to speak into the lives of others who are experiencing all kinds of pain. As a biblical counselor, I often boast to my counselees of my infirmities, sharing with them the faithfulness of God, the comfort He provides, and my own testimony of His goodness to me. This is a blessing!

So, the question we must ask ourselves is this: Am I willing to submit to the Lord's will for me today, simply for the cause of His glory? Am I willing to do the work He has ordained for me, to suffer well for His glory? Will I accept the privilege of being one of those He has chosen to grow through suffering, so that others might benefit from what He is teaching me? Yesterday, my answer to those questions was no. Today, I had to repent of self-pity. As I did that, the Lord gently loosed the bonds of that sin, and showed me the way out of it as He has promised always to do (1 Cor. 10:130). Though that way out was also available yesterday, my stubborn, rebellious heart chose to linger in self-focus and sadness. Today, I am thankful that my God is patient, loving and compassionate! He takes pity on me, so I don't have to.

Sad Days

I am so weary today. So tired of pain. It is always with me, no matter what I am doing. I try to forget about it, try not to think about it, try not to worry, obsess and scheme about it, but it is so relentless in its demand for attention, that this is an almost impossible task. I do many things to take care of my body, and to maintain the function that the Lord has granted me. I am grateful that He has provided these modalities that help keep the pain at a level that allows me to function in the roles He has graciously given me. But these things seem burdensome at times. They eat up many hours each week. This is time that I would rather spend almost any other way. Yet, I dutifully perform these things, because I know that without them I would be in much worse shape.

I want to be thankful for these things the Lord has provided for me, and I truly am. But some days, like today, when I am weary of the pain and anxious about the future, I cry out to the Lord this question that seems to be always burning in my heart: "Why, Lord? Why are you willing to provide these things to help relieve some of my pain, but not the one big thing that would make them unnecessary?" That one big thing is, of course, healing from the cause of my pain. Why did He not prevent that surgeon from botching this procedure so badly? Why did He allow other injuries to happen along the way as I tried to rehab from it? Why not just let the surgery go well in the first place, so I could move on with my life without this pain, serving Him comfortably?  I will probably never get an answer to these questions in this life. Apparently, the Lord has ordained this suffering for me, for His own reasons. A wise friend once said to me, "God is God and He does what He pleases with what is His." I know that this is true, and I love my Father. He is good, merciful, kind, and loving. I don't doubt any of that. I also know that many good things have come from all of this, and that God has been glorified in them. But, I hurt. And today, I'm tired of hurting.

So, friend, what do we do with this ache in our heart, this unanswered question? How do we keep going when all we really want to do is find a position that doesn't hurt and stay in it? My honest answer to you is, I don't know. Sometimes, we just have to cry and be sad. We will not always be able to turn these weary days around. I have been in the Word this morning, and I have talked with the Lord about it, but there has been no epiphany, no sudden 180 degree turnaround in my thinking. I am simply sad today, and my Friend understands. Jesus was terribly grieved at the pain He saw all around Him. He understood grief better than anyone ever has. And He understands my grief. He weeps with me, and comforts me. He tells me in His Word about the many who have gone limping before me into eternity, and He shows me their example of faith. Best of all, He tells me of Heaven, where there will be no tears, no pain, and no grief. Today, I will think of Heaven, look forward to being with my Lord, and trust in Him.

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens,

 Jesus the Son of God, 

let us hold fast our confession.

For we do hot have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses,

but was in all points tempted as we are, 

yet without sin.

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, 

that we may obtain mercy 

and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4: 14-16

Do I Really Need This?

"Do I really need one more thing, God?" This was the cry of a woman I spoke with in the hallway at church on Sunday. So many things were happening in her life, that she felt overwhelmed. Now, another blow to her stamina and endurance had fallen, and she was ready to give up. She told me she had been praying but things would not stop piling up and she was feeling weak in her faith.

Her question echoed in my mind as she continued to lament about the difficult trials she was facing. I have asked God the same question many times: "Why do these things keep happening, just when I am regaining my confidence and getting stronger in my faith? Do I really need one more problem right now?" My story involves many medical interventions, some of which caused me more problems than I had before. In these times, I have asked the Lord, "Really, God? I was only trying to make it better, and now my problem is worse. Am I not sanctified enough? Do I really need one more thing added to all that I am already suffering? I do not understand."

The Bible says that the Lord knows all my needs, and He knows about them before I do. In Matthew 6:8, Jesus warns his followers not to be like the pagans and hypocrites, who babble and repeat themselves in their public prayers. He tells them, "...your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." Think about that. Your Father knows your needs before you do. Look back on the trials of your life that increased your faith and drew you nearer to the Father. Did you think at the time that you needed those trials? No, you probably didn't want them, and you certainly did not think of them as something you needed! But because of those trials, you grew in your walk with Him, and you are now able to encourage others who may be suffering as you did. You needed those times of difficulty.

What are you going through today? Whatever it is, you can be sure that you need it. It is intended to make you more like your Savior, and isn't this to be our goal as believers? First John 2:6 in the New Living Translation says, "Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did." And how did He live? He faced trial upon trial upon trial, trusting God, walking in obedience to Him, and encouraging others to do the same. We become more like Him when we ask not whether we really need one more trial, but how we can respond to the ones He has ordained for us in a more Christlike, God-glorifying way.  Remember Romans 8:28: "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Never doubt that if you are going through a trial, you need it, God will use it for your good, and He will be glorified. Hallelujah!

Comfort One Another

If you have suffered with chronic pain for any length of time, chances are pretty good that most of the people in your circles know about it. Some of them are sympathetic and kind, remembering to pray for you often, and taking your abilities into consideration when they make plans with you. You are grateful for them. Some of them forget all about your pain or disability, and invite you to do things that, to you, seem obviously impossible. These are probably not your closest friends, but you still value them, and God gives you grace to forgive their forgetfulness. Then, there are the people whom you see very seldom, and when you do see them, because they are concerned, they want an update on your condition. They want to know how you're doing, and if you're getting any better. They are either unaware of, or have not accepted the fact that your pain, barring a miracle, is a permanent fixture in your life. Once you remind them that without divine intervention, you are in this for the long haul, then they want to express to you how terrible it is that you have to suffer so. They are kind, and their intentions are good. They want to offer sympathy, and lament with you about your condition. One dear man said to me recently, "That is such a shame that you are so limited at such a young age! I remember how you used to...", and he went on to remind me how active I was before, and how sad it is that I can no longer do the things I once loved to do. While this is all true, it is not helpful for me to be reminded of it. In fact it sent my emotions into a bit of a tailspin for several days. I began to dwell on my pain, and as always, it became worse, making me more depressed, increasing the pain, and...well, I don't have to tell you how that goes. This man was innocent of any wrongdoing. He was simply expressing his concern and trying to be sympathetic. It was my emotional response that got me off track and into trouble.

So, what is the proper response to such an encounter? Should I have agreed with my friend, and cried on his shoulder? That is one option, and it would not have been wrong for me to do that. Should I have interrupted him and said, "You know, this is not helpful to me. I know you're trying to be nice, but talking about it really brings me down. Could we talk about something else?" That, too, would have been an acceptable response. What I did do is begin to tell him how the Lord has been working in my life through the events of the last five years, but he kept saying,  "yeah but"', and then reiterating the unexpected outcome of the surgeries that were supposed to make me better. Finally, dinner was ready and our hostess called us away from the conversation.

So, what could I have said to my friend that would have turned this conversation around and stopped the downward spiral of my emotions, leading him to be a more effective encourager in the process? Since I know that many of you experience such encounters, I thought we could think through this together today, and perhaps be more prepared for the next one. There are several options I have thought of, that would change the outcome of such conversations:

Option number one: When he initially asked about my condition, I could have said something like this: "Well, that doesn't change, but my kids are sure growing!" (Or whatever else is new in your life that has nothing to do with your pain.) This would have completely changed the subject, launching our conversation in a totally different direction. But that would do nothing to edify him or to glorify God in my pain.

Option number two: "Well, I still struggle with pain, but the Lord has been good to me through it." I could   then proceed to tell him exactly how the Lord has helped me. This is what I attempted to do, but this kind man would not let it go. He desired to validate the sadness of my situation, and offer me sympathy. This is where I faltered in my reliance on the Holy Spirit. I should have shot up a secret prayer for strength and continued to redirect the focus of the conversation. Another lesson learned here is that I need to be always "prayed up" for such encounters, and ready to meet them with grace.

Option number three: I could try to educate him on how to build up and encourage  a brother or sister who suffers. I could have said, "Thank you so much for your kind concern for me. But it's more helpful for me if we focus on the good that God has done through my seeming misfortune. I know that His hand was on this whole process, and I have seen many good things come from it. Let me tell you about them..." Once I tell him sincerely about all the good work God has done through my pain, he can't help but forget all the negative. This approach will also gently inform him that recounting the sad realities of a sufferer's condition is not edifying, and can have the opposite of the intended effect.

This was an important learning experience for me. I am thankful that I had this conversation, because it showed me how desperately dependent I am on the Lord to reveal His working in me. While I will never be "happy" to have chronic pain, I know that I can be content, as I fix my thoughts on God and what He is doing in it. When I do that, there is no conversation that can cause me to lose sight of His goodness. When the Holy Spirit rules over my response to others' perceptions, we will both be edified, and He will get the glory!

Donuts and Coffee?

What would we do without true Christian fellowship? I'm not talking about doughnuts and coffee in the "fellowship hall". I'm talking about deep conversation about the struggles of walking through this life with Christ. What if we couldn't be real about our trials and difficulties? What if there were not other faithful brothers and sisters in Christ with whom we could share honestly? Of course, we would still go to the Lord with our trials, and he would be faithful to hear us, but there is just something about another human being in the room that is...well, it's just different.

When I have coffee with a girlfriend and tell her how I am struggling with life, I can see in her countenance that she understands and relates to what I am saying. As we confess our shortcomings to one  another, our common struggle strengthens us both as we point each other to the Lord and His word.

When my husband and I have dinner with other couples, we can share the trials and joys of marriage and life as a couple. We can encourage one another in our relationships, parenting, and work situations. We can help each other think through difficult decisions, and pray together for wisdom.

When our fellowship group gets together, we can hash out the tough points of the sermon, share understanding about theology, and encourage one another by sharing what we've read in our Bibles that week.

Today, I am just so thankful that God has put believers into His body, to build one another up. I am encouraged by His grace in doing this, and so grateful for His providence. How about you? I hope you'll share something in the comments about your Christian fellowship habits. Let's encourage one another today!