The Pressure's On!

It’s holiday time! I don’t know about you, but I feel a lot of pressure this time of year. Christmas shopping is just about the perfect storm for someone with chronic pain and mobility issues. Standing, walking, browsing, waiting in lines…Ugh, the very idea of it is dreadful. Yet, at the same time, I long to get just the right gift for everyone on my list, so I look for alternatives. Those motorized carts are so big and clumsy, and the last time I used one, it died in the middle of an aisle, at the farthest point possible from the door of the big box store I was in! Online shopping is less than ideal, as you can’t touch and turn the item in your hands. It’s hard to know how most things really look. Colors are often not true, and dimensions of things are hard to visualize. Gift cards are an option, but they seem so impersonal. It seems there is just no substitute for the painful process of actually getting out there and shopping, if you really want the “perfect” gift.

If you struggle with chronic pain and mobility issues, I’m sure you can relate, and you could probably add your own unique challenges to my list. So, my suffering sisters, what do we do with the holiday shopping dilemma? I hope you’re not like I was yesterday, feeling frustrated about the whole thing, snapping at my husband and generally being super grumpy (yes, I repented). I want to enjoy the holidays, don’t you? I want to focus on time with family and friends, not schlepping around the mall or sitting in front of the computer for hours. If this is going to happen, we are going to have to change our approach.

What is Christmas really about? Is it about gifts? Well, sort of. It’s about one gift—the gift of Jesus Christ coming into the world to save sinners like you and me. How is shopping necessary to celebrate that truth? It’s not. So why do we get so worked up over it? Is it because we want to express love to our families? We can do that without killing ourselves searching for the perfect gift. It’s OK to get a gift card, or to buy something online without knowing every detail about it. Girls, if we are going to enjoy the holiday, we are going to have to give up our insistence on things being like they used to be, or like we’d like them to be.

The fact is, the Lord has ordained this pain and/or disability for our good and His glory. If we keep struggling against the fact that “real” Christmas shopping is just too much for us now, then we will end up like I was yesterday, grumpy and discontented. We will need to die to ourselves if we are to truly represent Christ this year. Let’s give up this annual wrestling match, and enjoy the peace that this season embodies. The best way to let someone know you care is to love and encourage them all through the year, not to find the perfect gift for a single day.

It is not the gift that matters, but the relationship between the giver and the recipient. You can nurture that relationship without taking a single step into a store, or standing in any lines. Throughout the year, you can offer words of encouragement, a phone call to check in, a text of Scripture, daily prayer, and a thousand other things that will say to that person, “I love you and I truly care about you.” Then, when December rolls around, perhaps the gift-giving pressure will be off. Maybe you do these things already. If so, that’s great! What are you sweating about? Your friends and family know that you love them, and they know about your limitations. The last thing they would want is for you to put pressure on yourself for their sake.

Let’s do things differently this year. Let’s refuse to pressure ourselves about the gift-giving, and remember that God knows our weaknesses, and is able to give us the strength that we need—maybe not as much as we want—but all  that we need. Let’s trust Him to bless our Christmas in His way, by His grace. After all, this season only exists because of His birth. Who are we to say it has to meet certain expectations? No, we must repent of wanting things our way, and rejoice that He has already provided all we really need. Rather than becoming obsessed with the perfect gift, we must focus on the fact that we are perfected in Christ. Instead of standing in lines, we will stand on His promises. Cyber Monday can become a Sabbath, if we will only rest in His grace. Hallelujah! What a gift! What a Savior!

Red Flags

 I recently received a question from a reader, and as I began to compose my answer, it occurred to me that maybe some of you have the same question. So, I’m posting the question here, with my answer. Perhaps some of you struggle with this question too, and can help the rest of us. Please feel free to comment with your own strategies!

Here’s her question: “Suzanne, do you ever struggle with trying to 'fix' yourself or 'heal' yourself' and find that your thoughts are too much on yourself?” This reader had recently found a supplement that seemed to help with her pain, and it had spurred her to do some more research, trying to find other helps for the physical challenges she faces. As she researched, she realized that she was becoming very focused on pain relief, and she wondered if perhaps she had gotten too absorbed in herself in the process.

As I thought of what my answer would be, I recognized the problem right away in my own heart. I have spent a great deal of time and energy over the years seeking relief from my pain. As you know from reading this blog, I’ve researched surgeries, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic care, supplements, physical therapy—You name it, I’ve either looked into it or tried it. But, each time I go on a “heal-me hunt,” I come to that place where I realize that I have become more focused on pain relief than on God’s glory.

But how do you know when you’re approaching that point? It would be great to have some warning signs that you are crossing over the line between trusting God while seeking what He might provide for you; and seeking pain relief without regard to Him. Looking back over those times that this has happened to me, I see three warning signs that I was going too far:

1. An anxious heart

Any time that my heart becomes anxious as I am seeking pain relief, I know that I have gone too far in pursuit of it. When my search for help becomes consuming, I begin to sense fear that I won’t find the help I want. This is a red flag that I have drifted from trusting God and pursuing His glory, to trusting man (myself included) and pursuing relief. As my reader mentioned in her note, we are to “Seek first the kingdom of God.” When I become anxious as I research, that is a sure sign that I am not seeking my satisfaction in Him first, trusting that “all these things” will be given to me; No, that anxiety tells me that my focus is on pain relief and, ultimately, self-satisfaction.
I believe the anxiety comes from the “what if’s” of chronic pain:  What if I don’t find a cure? What if it gets worse? I’d better do all I can now, because I’m only getting older and it’s not likely that this will get better with age. If you find yourself focused on “what if,” then take that as a warning sign to redirect your thoughts toward a biblical response. How about Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct  your paths.

Ask yourself: Where is God in my research? If it gets worse, where will God be? Will he abandon me at a certain point, if I don’t keep trying to fix this? What do I need right now that He cannot give me? Your answers to these questions will help you determine whether you have gone too far.

2. Waning desire to read my Bible and pray

When the realization first hit me that this surgery had been a disaster, I sat down at my computer and rarely got up from it. I researched message boards, scholarly articles, and medical websites. I followed leads for surgeons who were experienced in this area, and made phone calls to Mayo and other research hospitals, seeking someone who could fix this. I was consumed with finding an answer.
Every time I sat down to read my Bible, I would begin to think about my leg again, and end up back on the computer, looking for something else that had come to mind as I was trying to focus on the Scriptures. I simply could not force myself to concentrate and focus on my reading because my mind was so preoccupied with finding the answer I wanted for my circumstances. In other words, my desire for temporal healing had superseded my longing for spiritual nurturing and growth.

Are you finding that you are less and less interested in God’s Word and more and more into whatever research you are doing? When was the last time you got up from your devotions feeling spiritually refreshed and encouraged? What is your mind occupied with most of the time? When you are not busy or distracted, where does your mind go? Your honest answers to these questions will give you a clue as to whether you’re on the right track.

3. More excitement about potential pain relief than about Christ.

During that time, whenever I found a new supplement, treatment, or technique that I thought might help, I couldn’t wait to tell people about what I had discovered. I knew all the details of how it worked, and how it would affect my situation. I spent time learning all about it, and was eager to tell my friends and family about this exciting new possibility. Other than asking people to pray that it would work, I don’t recall a single spiritual conversation.

Oh, I was still reading my Bible, but in a perfunctory, check-it-off-the-list way. I was rarely encouraged to the point that I wanted to share it with someone else, and my prayer life was very lame. I prayed for the salvation of my children, and I prayed the obligatory prayers for my husband and friends, but my relationship with the Lord was about as deep as a puddle. I was obsessed.

What about you? When was the last time that you shared Christ with someone? Have you experienced times of refreshing in the Word of God, and have you encouraged others with that? When is the last time you just sat and meditated on the goodness of God, or simply praised Him for all of His kindnesses toward you? If it’s been awhile, or you are splashing in puddles like I did, then it’s possible you have tipped the scales of enthusiasm from Christ to pain relief.

These are only a few of the many red flags that the search for pain relief has led to sinful self-focus. I was very happy to receive this question, because it shows that the person is zealous to guard her heart against anything that wants to take the place of God. Even the concern that this might be happening is a wonderful assurance that the Lord is near, prompting and cautioning. What a good Friend He is!
What red flags warn you when you are getting to deep into your desire for relief? Please share in the comments!

My Two Friends

I have just finished another round of PT. While I did get my range of motion back to where it was before, I didn’t make any further progress; and, as usual, other areas of pain are flared up as a result of the rigors of PT. As I left the gym this morning, the thought occurred to me that pain is my constant companion. I don’t hate or lament it as I used to, it is just always there.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, another came close behind it: I have another Constant Companion, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. These two are always with me: At work, at the gym, in the car, in sleep, on waking, and on and on. Neither of them ever leaves me, and that will be true for both until the day that I leave the one behind and run (or possibly skip) into the arms of the other.

So, what is the significance of this? Though they are both with me always, that is absolutely the only thing they have in common. Everything else is a contrast. So, I thought today that I would list out the many ways that my Savior and my pain are different. Though that may seem like a silly exercise, indulge me and you may find, as I did, that it is actually quite encouraging.

Pain wants to drive me away from God. Jesus draws me near. Matt 11:28

Pain wants to make me weary. Jesus gives me new strength. Is 40:28-31

Pain says, “You can’t.” Jesus says, “With me, you can.” Phil 4:13

Pain tries to make me afraid of the future. Jesus holds the future in His hands, and says that it is good. Jer29:ll

Pain tries to make me doubt the goodness of God. Jesus assures me that all things are for my good. Romans 8:28

Pain is temporarily relentless. Jesus is beautifully eternal. Revelation 1:17-18

Pain is ever changing. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. Heb 8:13

Pain insists on having my attention, and makes demands to be treated and managed. Jesus is attentive to me, and provides all He deems needful for my comfort. Philippians 4:19

Pain wants me to look back on what used to be. Jesus lifts my head to see all that is yet to be. Psalm 3:3

Pain says, “How will you do this for the rest of your life?” Jesus says, “Follow me, one day, one hour, one moment at a time.” Matt. 6:33-34

“Pain says, if Jesus loved you, you would not suffer.” Jesus says, “Your suffering is a gift, to draw you to myself and give you opportunities to bring glory to My Name.” 2 Cor 1:4

Are you suffering today, friend? Maybe you can come up with more of these contrasts between pain and your savior. When I first thought of writing these out, it seemed a strange thing to contrast Christ and pain, but after doing it, I have even more of a sense of the love of Christ in my pain. Even better, I see how these two companions work together to keep my feet on that narrow way: One tempting me to wander, the other leading me back onto the path.

It is amazing how God uses our pain to work in our hearts. I would love to read some of the contrasts that you come up with, out of your own experience with these two constant companions. I hope you’ll think on this, and comment below. Bonus points if you have Scripture to back it up!

Revisit and Remember

Dear Friends,
This week, I begin another round of PT to try to keep my knee from becoming more stiff and immobile. I visit this therapist a couple of times a year, and so far the therapy is successfully maintaining the mobility achieved at that first round in 2014. I always go into PT with a little bit of dread because it is quite painful, and causes me to focus on the issue with my knee. It also brings back memories of those early days of pain, fear and despair as I struggled to cope with the outcome of the surgery.  
Today, I am sharing this post from a couple of years ago as a reminder, both for me and for you, that God's goodness is the same no matter what is going on with us. He is faithful, he loves us, and He is good. Amen?

“No one wants to hear, ‘That’s it for you; this is the best it’s ever going to be,’ right?”

These were the words of my physical therapist, as she worked on my leg last week. You may have read the blog post  in which I shared my decision making process when offered a new treatment. Well, I decided to go ahead and try the treatment, and that is what brought me to this conversation. As she was working on my leg, I asked my PT some questions about what my options might be, going forward. At some point, I will probably need some kind of surgical intervention again, and I am always interested in the knowledge and opinions of rehab professionals as to how soon that might be. In her attempt to be encouraging, she shared with me some strategies for “putting off the inevitable” in my case, and the sentence at the beginning of this post was basically her way of saying that there is always a chance it could get better.

For a brief moment after those words, I felt despair. No, I don’t want to hear that I’m never going to get better, have pain relief, or enjoy full mobility again. On the other hand, I don’t really appreciate a sugar coating on a bitter truth, either. My heart sank for a split second as her words sank in, but thankfully, the Holy Spirit, who is always busy in my heart, was quick to lift me up again. He reminded me about the truth of  “the best it’s ever going to be.” He brought to my mind the glorified body I will have when I am with the Lord. There will be no pain there, no limited mobility, no regret, no anger, sadness, or tears. I absolutely cannot wait for that day when this broken body is renewed, perfected, and made far better than it ever was in my lifetime.

Philippians 3:21 says that He “…will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.” Wow! My body will be like His, transformed by the power of His sovereignty! How can the words of any human being bring me down, when God’s Word says that I will not have to suffer this way much longer? This life, however painful or problematic, is a vapor (James 4:14), but my glorified, perfect body will be mine for eternity! When I imagine the things I will be able to do, I am so excited I can hardly contain it! Running and jumping come to mind, and I always loved skipping, even as an adult!

But do you want to know what I am looking forward to the most? Walking. Not just because I love to walk, or miss it, or wish I could do it comfortably. I want to walk because I want to walk with Him. I can imagine us walking side by side on the New Earth, strolling over beautiful hills and through quiet valleys. As we walk, I am telling him all the things that I love about Him, and thanking Him for all the many blessings He has poured out on me. We are talking about His Word, and how powerful it was in my life. He is telling me all about His glory, His goodness, and His perfection, much of which I could not see or understand when I was still living in my fallen state. We walk for miles and miles, never tiring. Sometimes we are silent, just enjoying the beauty and glory of perfection.

As I think on these things, the voice of the physical therapist fades into the background, and I am filled with joy instead of despair, confidence instead of fear, and hope instead of dread. My dear Savior is waiting for me in paradise, planning our eternal walk together. He has gone to prepare a place for me (John 14:3), and that place has more beautiful walking trails than any place on this broken planet. In a moment, in the blink of an eye, I will be healed, perfected, pain-free. Never again will I suffer the consequences of my sin or anyone else’s!  

There’s a song my mom used to sing that is playing in my mind as I write this today. It’s called “In the Garden,” and it was written by Charles A. Miles. The chorus goes like this:

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

Friend, even as you suffer today, ask the Lord for a glimpse of that eternal walk. Look forward to the glory He has in store for you in just a little while. You will be healed, you will be restored, and you, too, will one day walk with Him. Hallelujah! What a Healer!

I want it NOW!

Dear Readers,
This season of busyness in ministry has compelled me to repost an article I wrote back in 2014. I hope you will find it encouraging today. You might even get a little chuckle out of the video at the end!

Some people really love their sin. Are you one of them? If someone were to ask me this question, I would immediately respond with an emphatic No! I love the Lord, and I struggle against sinful attitudes and actions every day. My flesh is relentless in its desire to be satisfied, but I am battling it daily, with some success. I’m sure that I don’t love my sin!

But wait. If I don’t love my sin, then why does it seem I’m unable to uproot it from my heart?  I’m not talking here about the sin nature, or the flesh or the influence of the enemy. I’m talking about what we Christians call besetting sins. These are the sins that seem to be constantly tempting us. Like the child’s game of Whack-a-Mole, we think we’ve got it beaten, and it pops up somewhere else. It seems we are in a constant, life-long cycle of sin-consequence-repentance-forgiveness. This is very discouraging, and we wonder if we will ever overcome this sin.

These besetting sins seem more deeply rooted than others. If you think about it, you can probably remember other sins that used to be problematic for you in your early Christian days, but no longer seem to be much of an issue. For example, I used to have a significant anger problem. I was very impatient and easily annoyed, which would quickly turn to anger and frustration. I had to confess and repent many times, but eventually I seemed to get a handle on that, and it doesn’t control me anymore.

But there is another sin habit that really seems to have a death grip on my heart. My awareness of this particular issue has been keenly sharpened over the last few years as I have struggled with chronic pain and disability. That issue is self-pity. I am always amazed at how easily I can fall into this mode of feeling sorry for myself because I can’t do the things I want to do. I was watching an old Willy Wonka movie yesterday, and I saw myself in the character of Veruca Salt, who was terribly spoiled and petulant. As I watched her demand that her father buy her everything she wanted, I became convicted of my own discontentment.

But for me, it’s more than just discontentment. When I can’t have what I want, and my Father won’t get it for me, I begin to feel sorry for myself. As I watch others who seem to have a better life than I do, I become jealous, and this compounds my misery. I become a spoiled brat who believes she is entitled to whatever she wants, just because she wants it! This is not acceptable for a child of the living God! But how can I change? “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 7:24). Thank God indeed, I already have the answer to my problem! I have been freed from this sin. Now, I must receive the pardon and break free of the bonds of besetting sin.

The truth is, I am not a slave to sin, but a slave of Christ. I owe Him my life, my every breath, my very soul! How can I possibly feel sorry for myself when I have eternal life? This time here on earth, in this broken body, is a vapor (James 4:14). Besides that, there are many who are living in much greater difficulty than I am. Some of them would probably give anything to have what I have. The key to uprooting this sin in my life is to open my eyes to these truths, and to the people all around me who are suffering. Ministering to others is the absolute best cure for self-pity. I have experienced this many times as I am working on this sin pattern in my own life. As I reach out to help others, my own problems are diminished, I am more grateful, and I begin to move toward that contentment that seems so elusive.

Veruca’s father repeated something to her over and over as she sang about all her demands. He said, “You can have all that when you get home.” This is the refrain I must keep in mind, to combat these feelings of self-pity, jealousy and discouragement. All these things I desire and cry out to God for, will be mine when I get Home to Him. There will be no pain, no sorrow, and no limits on what I can do. But I must be patient. My contentment rests in trusting God to enable me to do all He has called me to do here, nothing more and nothing less. I can be satisfied in knowing that He will bring me to perfection in Him on that day when I arrive at Home.

If you haven't seen the Willy Wonka movie, and you'd like to meet Veruka, click here. You may see a little bit of yourself in her, too!

A Counseling Case Study

I think that my favorite kind of counselee is one who has had a life-changing event, and now is just not sure how to cope biblically with it. This is true with almost everyone I know who is suffering with chronic pain or disability.  But, when you think about it, the inability to cope with a new trial is what brings just about every counselee through my door. A physical trial may have been brought on by trauma, disease, or some other event, but other types of problems (grief, anxiety, depression) have a point of origin too, and can be just as debilitating. Those of us who struggle with chronic pain sometimes think that we are a special case, and that our problem is unique. But in reality, chronic pain and limited mobility are "common to man" problems:

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. ~1 Corinthians 10:13

The Bible says that no temptation to sin can come in any kind of package that has not been dealt with before. That's what Paul means when he says "common to man." Self pity, a victim's heart, and a cry of injustice will never be allowed for us, just because we think we're especially pitiable. No, our pain and limited activity do not give us a license to complain, or to bow out of opportunities to minister to God's people. 

Maybe you don't suffer with chronic pain yourself, but you know someone who does, and you want to help her. What should you do, and what practical steps should you take in counseling her? What passages of Scripture would be most helpful, and how can you help her to understand their application? This week, I have some answers for you over at Biblical Counseling for women, where I'm presenting a Case Study called, "Jane's Pain." There, you'll find the first three sessions of my counseling process with a hypothetical woman named Jane. 

I would encourage you to visit Biblical Counseling for Women for the next two weeks (session one was already posted last Tuesday, 9/6/2016). I think you will find it helpful, whether you are counseling yourself or someone else. On a personal note, this time of year really ramps up in counseling cases, and I am finding myself much busier than I've been in a long time. I hope to get back to posting regularly here soon. I appreciate your patience, and covet your prayers as I seek to lead others Near to the Healer in their trials.

Unstable?

I live in the Midwest, so certain seasons practically guarantee unstable weather. Right now, we have a continuous pattern of weather systems coming through our area, bringing intermittent thunderstorms, heavy rain and wind, along with rapidly rising and falling air pressure. As you know, if you have any form of joint disease, these changes in pressure can bring an increase in pain. As the pressure rises, fluid in the joints contracts, and as it falls, that fluid expands, putting pressure on inflamed joints and tissues. These weather changes can also affect migraine sufferers and others with various chronic pain issues.

There’s got to be a spiritual analogy here somewhere, right? I thought maybe I could talk about the pressure of just living the Christian life, and how it seems to rise and fall with certain circumstances. Paul said he was “hard pressed on every side, but not crushed,” and we can say the same. I could talk about how the strength and love of God braces our spiritual “joints” so that we don’t give in to despair. That would be encouraging.

Or I could talk about the stability of God. Even when circumstances change, God never does. Hebrews 13:8 says that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. These weather changes are very temporary, and cannot touch my salvation, my relationship with Christ, or His faithfulness. Yes, I want to invite my readers to think on the stability and faithfulness of God.

But wait, there’s another one. How about the power of God? As I listen to the thunder (and the vibration of the pictures on my walls in response to it!), I can’t help but think of the majesty and wonder of God’s power. He rules the thunder, the lightening, the rain, the flooding river, and yes, the fluid in my joints! He is mighty to save, mighty to sustain, and mighty to conquer even the powers and principalities that want to drive my thoughts to despair in my pain. What a mighty and powerful God I serve: Even as I wrestle with a storm of thoughts that want to drive me away from Him, He draws me back with His amazing power.

When I woke up this morning, aching and stiff after a night of storms and little sleep, I grabbed my lasso before my thoughts could get away from me. Currently, my thought-capturing lasso is made out of 2 Corinthians 4 and 5, which I am memorizing. What a great encouragement this passage is to me! Once I got my thinking lined up with Scripture, I gratefully took myself off to the pool for some aqua therapy.

Arriving home, I discovered that a large tree branch had fallen on the road in front of our house, but was still attached to the tree. Before I could even begin to stress about that, the Lord demonstrated another of His attributes: His providence. As I pulled up, I saw my neighbor coming to the rescue, chainsaw and ladder at the ready, to trim off the branch and clean it all up. Also in God’s providence, my hubby happened to be working from home today, and the two of them made short work of the branch.

As He always does, God has shown me His goodness in yet another episode of increased pain. I really should start looking forward to these times instead of dreading them! God always does something amazing to show His love for me whenever I think I am going to give in to wrong thinking about my circumstance.  He truly does make a way of escape with every temptation. Hallelujah! What a Power! What a Providence! What a Savior!