It is just a few days from the official start of winter here in the Midwest, but the Aches and Pains Index is already off the charts, and boy am I feeling it! The artificial knee that began my quest to be near to the Healer pushes me toward Him the hardest at this time of year. It aches and becomes very stiff as the barometric pressure goes up and down. The stiffness changes my gait, which leads to problems with the hip and low back on that side. The pain causes me to reduce the amount of strengthening exercises I can do, and as the muscles atrophy, the pain increases, in a cycle that doesn't end until Summer. I tell you all this not to complain, but to give you an idea as to the physical state that brought about this latest lesson from the Lord.
Providentially, this kind of weather accompanies a time of year when more is required of me physically than any other. Thanksgiving and Christmas in the US are right on top of each other, and both mean lots of time on my feet. Even with pre-made food and grocery pick-up, there is still plenty of cleaning and preparation to be done. Pain levels were particularly high this year for some reason, so I was thankful to be able to order our Thanksgiving meal from the grocery store we've used the last 4 years. Usually, the food is really good, but this year it was disappointing. As I looked over the meal the night before, I became more and more despondent about the fact that I am not able to prepare all of these traditional dishes myself. (Well, technically I suppose I could, but it would come at a great cost of pain, both during and for many days after.) Though I tried to keep bringing my sorrow to the Lord, I was not successful in putting it away.
On Thanksgiving morning, when I woke up and began preparing, I felt strong emotions again, but surprisingly, I was not sad. I was angry: Angry that my knee replacement was done wrong; angry that at my age, I cannot be on my feet long enough to prepare the meal; angry that I had to serve my family what I saw as sub-standard food on such a special day; angry at myself for still being so emotional after nearly 10 years--10 Thanksgivings--in this same condition. Shouldn't I be over this by now!?
But really, I was angry at God. A pastor once told me that all (unrighteous) anger is anger at God, because it is anger at His providence. The Lord ordained this botched knee replacement for His good reasons. What right did I have to be angry about it? I'm sure I've posted about this issue before, and many times I've thought I had submitted to His will regarding my mobility. Maybe I have, and this was just a temptation from Satan to renew my sense of injustice. I'm not sure what it was, but one thing was clear: That morning, I was not submitted to His will. I cried and prayed, and begged Him to grant me repentance from this anger. I think I ended up just being resigned to it that day. I put it aside and determined to enjoy my family.
Later though, when I sat down with God's Word, He showed me something I'd never seen before, in Colossians 1:11. This verse comes in the middle of a whole list of qualities for which Paul says he is praying for his readers. Among other things, he asks that they may be "...strengthened with all might according to His glorious power..." Now I've read this passage many times, and used it in counseling often. But that day He made it personal for me, and I gained a new understanding. I've often thought of the wonder of being strengthened with all might according to His glorious power. The kind of strength God can provide comes from the ultimate power that created and sustains the entire universe! Who wouldn't want that kind of power? But I've just sort of run with it from there, not paying much attention to the following clause: "for all patience and longsuffering with joy." What? Not power for helping others? Not power for physical strength? Not power for greater ministry? No. Paul is asking the Lord to strengthen his readers for patience and longsuffering.
Honestly, I want all the power, but I don't want to use it for longsuffering! I don't want to suffer at all, and when I do, I want it to be short, not long! But the Lord clearly was telling me (and you) that He gives us His power so that we can have patience in the trial: Patience to endure; patience to wait on His timing and trust Him; patience to accept, and even embrace, what we don't want. Most importantly, He wants to strengthen us to have the patience to find joy in the trial. For me, when something hurts, I want it to stop. I am very IMpatient with pain! In my childish mind, when I hurt, I think it will last forever. I find myself with a sense of entitlement to comfort, and that is where the anger really gets a foothold.
Our Father offers us His power so that we can be strengthened to be patient, longsuffering, and joyful. While His power does supply some to do great things, He showed me on that day that His power is what I need to become a patient sufferer. I could almost hear Him saying, "Be patient, child, by the strength I give you, and I will show you how I will be glorified in your pain." The 'great thing' I can do through God's strength is show the world that this naturally impatient, entitled, stubborn sinner can learn to be patient; to suffer long; and to find joy in the strength of her Savior.
Because of His faithfulness, I can fulfill my purpose--to glorify Him--simply by believing what He says and being patient. This pain is not eternal. One day, I will be with Him, and I will have no pain, no suffering, no more need for patience. But, until then, I can embody His strength and show the world His power just by suffering patiently. Hallelujah! What power! What a Savior!
