My Great Blessing

I have two boys, and they are great. I have always loved having boys, as I am not a “girlie” girl, and am more comfortable with rough-and-tumble, matchbox cars and skate boards than tea parties, Barbie dolls and ballet. The Lord ordained long ago that I would be a mom of boys, and I am ecstatic that He saw fit to give me these two individuals, who are now fine young men.
But in the midst of my parenting journey, he also gave my mother’s heart a spiritual daughter, and that is what I want to share with you today. About ten years ago, when I was teaching a women’s Navigator’s Class, He brought a young woman under my wing with whom I felt an instant bond. I loved all the ladies that I led and taught, but this one was different. From the very beginning, she had a place in my heart that none of the ladies I’ve mentored before or since, has had.
At the time we met, she had a little boy who was almost three. She was a young single mom making her way through the world and learning to love and obey the Lord. She was eager to know more about Him, and diligent in her study. She was always the one who had completed her homework, and had the most thoughtful questions and input in class. When our study ended, I continued to work with her individually, and we became friends. Over the course of our time together, she married, had two more children, and then endured the heartache of marital betrayal, divorce, and back to single motherhood, this time with three children.  I too have had difficult times, and as we have both suffered and persevered, we have supported, prayed for, and loved one another through each of them.
Her children also are precious to me. I love them as if they were my own grandchildren. I’ve helped her son with schoolwork, and am teaching both of her daughters to crochet.  On their birthdays, the girls and I have a shopping and treat date. On his birthday, her son goes with my husband and younger son to do a guy thing, or we all go out together.  I pray for her and her children daily, and am working to form a relationship with the girls that I hope will give me a voice in their lives as they get older and begin to make their way through adolescence and young adulthood. This is an investment of time and energy that I gladly make, because I love their mother, and I love them.
The love that I have for this family is not of my own making. This is a love that the Lord placed on my heart. I know that because it has never wavered. My own love can be shallow and conditional, but this bond is made fast by the love of God. He has knit our hearts together in a way that only He could do. This has been such a gift to me. This family gives me joy. When the children are here, there is a happiness in my home that isn’t here at any other time. My heart feels light when I’m with these girls, and as her firstborn becomes a young man, I am reminded of my own boys and the blessing they are to me. My friendship with their mother has also grown and deepened. As she has matured, I find myself seeking out the wisdom and knowledge of the Word that she has gained. She is a great encouragement to me, and our time together is precious.
So, why am I sharing all this with you? Well, especially if you are a mom of boys, I want you to prayerfully consider seeking out a spiritual daughter of your own. As you interact with younger women at church, ask the Lord to open your eyes to see a young mom who may be struggling, or new to the faith. Get to know her, and invest yourself in her life. I know that as a mom with children of your own, you are busy. But take my word for it, you will never regret investing in the life of a young woman who needs your guidance. As she learns and grows, you will also learn and grow. You are never too young to be an older woman! I was in my thirties when I “adopted” my girl.
I had a coffee date with her this morning, and as I left, I felt happy and so encouraged. She is a great blessing to me, and I am so thankful for her love and friendship. As we chatted about the children and reminisced about that Navigators’ class, I was reminded of the goodness and love of God, who gave me a daughter when I thought I would never have one, all those years ago. He knew how much we would need each other, and how we would both grow because of our relationship. Having her in my life has enriched it in countless ways, and God has blessed us both because of it. Do you have a Titus 2 relationship? If not, I urge you to prayerfully consider pursuing one. You will never be sorry!

Yodh

Yodh

Your hands have made me and fashioned me;

Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.

Those who fear You will be glad when they see me,

Because I have hoped in Your word.

I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.

Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort,

According to Your word to Your servant.

Let your tender mercies come to me, that I may live;

For your law is my delight.

Let the proud be ashamed,

For they treated me wrongfully, with falsehood;

But I will meditate on Your precepts.

Let those who fear You turn to me,

Those who know your testimonies.

Let my heart be blameless regarding Your statutes,

That I may not be ashamed.

This portion of Psalm 119 (verses 73-80), is titled "Yodh" in my Bible, and it has been my inspiration as I have studied and trained to become a Biblical counselor. Today, I would like to share with you how this portion of Psalm 119 has encouraged and instructed my progress. 

Your hands have made me and fashioned me;

Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.

God made me the way that I am. He formed my personality, provided things throughout my life that shaped my character, and He is still instructing my heart each day, even to the present moment. Daily I ask Him to help me understand His Word, both for my own edification, and for the encouragement and instruction of my counselees and friends.

Those who fear You will be glad when they see me,

Because I have hoped in Your word.

People come to the counseling center hoping to be encouraged in whatever they are walking through today. Few believers seek counseling because they are happy and rejoicing in their trial. They are anxious, fearful, depressed, or sick. Yet, they are believers who love the Lord and fear God. My hope is that, after we have visited a few (sometimes many) times, they will be glad. But I don't want them to be glad because of my words. I want them to be glad because their time with me has helped them to understand his Word, and to apply it to their circumstance. I want my hope in the Word and promises of God to be highly contagious, so that they begin to "catch" it, too.

I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.

This line is key to my effectiveness as a biblical counselor. If I do not know for sure that my affliction is for my good and His glory, and that it is a sign of His faithfulness to me, I will never convince my counselee of it. The Lord has ordained my affliction in order to make me more like His precious Son. When I am more like Him, I will be able to bring glory to God, which is the very reason I was created (Isaiah 43:7)! I must be able to show my counselee from Scripture that God has a purpose in her suffering, and that He is faithful.

Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort,

According to Your word to Your servant.

Again, if I am to persuade my counselee that God is merciful and kind, I must be able to show her this truth from the Scriptures. Regardless of her trial, God's Word has promised that He will comfort and keep her through it. Even a cursory glance through the Psalms will show her this truth. 

Let your tender mercies come to me, that I may live;

For your law is my delight.

Counselees are not typically delighting in God's law when they come for the first time. They are discouraged, frustrated, and sometimes angry at God. But, if they do not begin to see God's hand and His mercy in their circumstance, that will not change. Though He is faithful when we are not, He does bring circumstances for our discipline and growth. He desires a response that begins to change from discouragement to delight. This is the very heart of counseling. This is where my own testimony comes to bear on our relationship. When I share my story of pain, suffering, and loss, I make sure they see God's mercies in  it, as I have. Together, we begin to see how God's law truly can be our delight once again.

Let the proud be ashamed,

For they treated me wrongfully, with falsehood;

But I will meditate on Your precepts.

Many of our counselees have come for help because they have been treated wrongfully. They have been hurt by someone who sinned against them. Virtually all sin is rooted in pride, and David pretty much covers all sinners by referring to them as "the proud." Though they may never have shame in their behavior, the believer can learn to respond rightly, by meditating on God's precepts rather than being angry or bitter.

Let those who fear You turn to me,

Those who know your testimonies.

Most people who come for biblical counseling are at least professing believers. They fear God, yet they need someplace to turn to help them apply His Word in their trial. Though it is often a last resort, those who fear God will come for biblical counseling precisely because they know His testimonies, and they need help with application.

Let my heart be blameless regarding Your statutes,

That I may not be ashamed.

Though I know of course that I will never be without sin in this life, my desire is to follow Christ as closely as I can. I must continually plead with the Lord that His Spirit would help me to escape temptation toward sinful attitudes and actions. Though we are all hypocrites, I must never come to a counseling or discipling opportunity knowing that there is unconfessed, willful sin in my life. My prayer is that the Lord will reveal to me my sin so that I confess, repent, and come to this role unashamed.

I continue to be inspired by all of God's Word, but this little gem, tucked away in the middle of the longest of the Psalms, has been special to me. What Scripture inspires you most? What is your go-to passage for encouragement and help?

My Friend, Pat

I have loved exercise for as long as I can remember. As a young mom, I would take my babies in the stroller on long “power walks” just about every day. As they got older, they would ride their bikes alongside me and the dog, happily pedaling away as I got my cardio for the day. Over the years, my knees began to give me trouble, and I switched it up, adding in a stationary bike and elliptical machine to my routine. Eventually, the knees were able to do only the machines, but I was still getting my much-needed cardio, and I was happy.

About 5 years ago, I had the first of a series of knee surgeries that would spell the end of my weight-bearing exercise, so I moved to the pool. I have learned to love water aerobics, and have managed to get that endorphin boost that I so enjoy. As a bonus, I've made a few friends along the way. One of those friends is Pat. Pat is 86 years old, and still very active and lively. (Actually, she gets around better than I do at 51! Honestly, I’ve struggled a bit with that, but that’s a story for another blog post.) I have enjoyed getting to know Pat a little better than some of the other ladies because she is the only one who also comes, as I do, on the days when the class is not in session. We both like to go every day, because it makes us feel better. Pat used to bring a friend with her, and I would hear them talking and laughing as they floated around, not really serious about the exercise like I was. But then her friend had a bad fall, and was forced to move to an assisted living facility, too far away for her to continue to join us in the pool.

So, Pat began to talk with me as we exercised. It was frustrating at times, because I was there for cardio, and her goals were more social. I usually managed, though, to break away after chatting for a few minutes, and move on with my workout. About three months ago, Pat shared with me that her daughter’s cancer, of which she’d told me earlier in our friendship, had become much more advanced. There was nothing more the doctors could do. Over the next few weeks, I knew that I needed to stay with her as she talked about her daughter. Our conversations were not always focused on that situation, but it was clear to me that Pat was lonely, very sad and anxious about what was coming. My flesh really wanted to break away, as I had become pretty good at doing, but the Spirit said no. The Lord called me to give up my exercise for a time, and serve my friend.

Over the next few weeks, Pat shared with me her view of God, and I had opportunities to steer her toward a more biblical belief. I spoke with her about His sovereignty, His love, and His Word. I was thankful that the Lord laid many Scriptures on my heart, and I was able to quote them for her. I am not sure if Pat is a believer or not, but she calls herself a Christian, so I spoke to her as though she was. As her daughter’s death drew nearer, she would often be weeping in the pool, and I did my best to comfort her. Finally, the day came. The first words she had for me were, “My daughter passed away last night.” I did my best to comfort her, and then I just listened. Funeral plans, her relationship with her son-in-law and grandchildren, memories of her daughter, and a thousand other things poured out of her heart.

As we were parting ways that day, she began to weep, thanking me for taking the time to listen to her all these weeks, and for my friendship. She told me I would just never know what a difference that made, and how grateful she was. “I know I talk too much,” she said, “and I've kept you from your exercise. But I’m so thankful!” My heart was filled with joy as she spoke, and I was so grateful to the Lord for helping me to resist the temptation to keep the friendship shallow, and keep up my cardio. That day, the Lord taught me that the exercise, which I had valued so highly, was really meaningless compared to the glorious work He was doing, both in me and in my friend.

I don’t share this to boast of my generosity or my counseling skills, but I say it to boast in my weakness. If it were not for the disability God has ordained for me, none of this would have come about. Occasionally, God gives me a glimpse of the good work He is doing through this broken body, and I am so grateful when He does. The pain and grief of this physical trial have softened my heart toward others who are hurting. I have more compassion and mercy and am, I hope, more others-oriented than I ever was before. All of these things make me more useful to the Lord, and for that I am grateful.

How about you? How is the Lord using your pain today? Leave a comment, and let’s rejoice together! 

Sorrowful, Yet Always Rejoicing

But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses, in stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in fastings...as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing... 2 Cor 6: 4ff

"Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." What does this mean? I have pondered this passage many times, trying to understand how Paul could be sorrowful (a word that, in my mind, means sad), yet rejoicing, which I think of as happy. How can one be both happy and sad at the same time?

I thought maybe the word 'rejoicing' in the original language, meant something other than happy. But when I went to the lexicon, I found it means exactly that: The definition of the original word is "exceedingly glad".  Likewise, the original word for sorrowful does indeed mean sad, burdened, and downcast. What could possibly be the explanation for this? There is no earthly reason to think that this is not a total contradiction. 

There is, however, a perfectly reasonable heavenly solution to this seemingly impossible language. Paul is rejoicing in Christ! His joy is obviously not in his circumstances, for they are terrible as he is writing this letter. I don't know about you, but needs, distresses, stripes, imprisonments, tumults, labors, sleeplessness and fastings do not seem joy-inspiring to me! Paul had to have risen above his circumstances in order to rejoice in the midst of them. He had his mind fixed on Christ:

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. --Hebrews 12:2&3

Like the writer of Hebrews, Paul had learned to look up instead of looking around. My default response to trials is to look at the trial and lament or mourn. Paul’s was to look up to Christ instead of looking at the trial, and rejoice! Make no mistake, Paul is not rejoicing about the trial, except to the extent that it brings glory to God. In this second letter to the Corinthians, Paul is rejoicing in Christ, the author and finisher of his faith, who went to the cross for the joy!! Christ endured the greatest suffering any man has ever known, and He did it for the joy set before him!

My friend, there is much joy before you today as well:
The joy of patiently enduring the trials and pain that your loving God has ordained for your good and His glory (Rom 8:28).

The joy of obeying God’s command to take every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.  (2 Cor 10:5).

The joy you will experience as Christ leads you in triumph over your pain and troubles and through you diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge.
(2 Cor 2:14)

And, last but not least, the joy you will know on that great Day when he says to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’  (Matt 25:23)

What “few things” has the Lord entrusted to you today? Problems? Pain? Heartache? I’m sure you could list many things the Lord is asking you to bear right now. But rest assured, my believing friend, you will enter into the joy of your Lord, because you have been faithful. What does that faithfulness look like? No matter how you are feeling today, pick up your Bible, open it, and hear from Him. He has much to say, and longs to encourage you.

I Am Persuaded

For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day. 2 Timothy 1:12

Those of us who suffer (and who doesn't?) need constant affirmation that our suffering is not in vain. I can't count how many times I have pleaded with the Lord to show me just a glimpse of His purpose in my suffering. Just a glance at the good work He is doing in my life and the lives of others through it. Many times, He has shown me the fruit of my trial, and when He does I am so grateful. But sometimes, many weeks go by and I see no visible fruit; no glimmer of hope that this trial is working something good, something glorifying to God. Yet, even in those times, I am called to persevere (Eph 6:18).

It is in these times that the verse above, from 2 Timothy, is so encouraging to me. Based on this verse, I have developed some questions that I ask myself whenever I begin to feel discouraged. This verse is packed with encouragement and hope, and today I want to share with you how it speaks to me.

The first question this verse brings to mind is, whom do you believe? Paul says here that He knows whom he has believed--The Lord, Jesus Christ! Do I really know Him? His character, attributes, His ways and His heart? Perhaps I have forgotten His love for me, or His patience with me. Maybe His gentle guidance has slipped my mind, and I've begun to think He is harsh because of my circumstances. This question makes me really think about the facts of who Christ is, how He has suffered for me, and who I am in His sight. It also reminds me that, though my circumstances are in constant flux, He never changes. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 8:13). If I find I've slipped in my knowledge of Him, I am back in the Word and prayer until I know for sure whom I have believed!

The next question this verse brings to my mind is, why are you persuaded? Have you taken your pastor's word for it when it comes to the power and love of Christ? If I have been in a busy season, and have not taken the time for deep Bible study and prayer, my memory can grow dim about the reasons I first loved Christ. What is the reason you are persuaded that He is the Savior of the world, and that He can bring you through your trials? Are you just going along with what others have said? Did you "accept Christ", then move on with your life, not thinking or studying much about Him? When was the last time you sat down with the Word of God and just soaked it in, silently meditating on what you read, and reflecting on the goodness of God or the love of Christ? If you do this, you will remember that first spark of love for Him, and why you were persuaded. More than that, you will be a more persuasive believer!

Paul says that He believes that Christ is able to keep what he has committed to Him until the great day of Christ's appearing. This statement brings up the third and final question on my list: What have you committed to Him? Your heart? Your soul? Your time, energy, and gifts? Your body? Think carefully before you answer. Many of us are selective in our "commitment." We may be willing to give our money or use our talents for the cause of Christ, but what about our bodies? What if they don't work the way we want them to, or the ordinary tasks of everyday life cause us pain? How committed are we when a short trip to the grocery store or making a meal for our families means we can do nothing else that day? How committed are we when we wake up in the morning to aching joints or pounding headaches, knowing that we will carry them throughout the day, and that tomorrow will be the same? What is our response? Do we continue to praise the Lord through the pain, or do we complain and sigh, longing to skip all this and just go on to heaven? A true commitment to Christ includes our bodies, whether they work as we want them to or not.

None of us is perfect, myself included. We all have days where our answers to these questions are not what we would like them to be. When my joints are aching and my walking buddies have left me behind, I sometimes forget whom I have believed and how much he loves me. When I have to give up yet another activity because of pain and disability, it is easy to put God's Word aside and begin to disbelieve what He says there, to doubt the truth of it. Many days, my commitment to love and serve Him in this broken body wavers as I become focused on the pain and what I am missing out on. But so far, with 100% faithfulness, he has brought me back to Himself, and once again I am persuaded that if I can just touch the hem of His garment, my soul will be healed, and I will once again be filled with His joy.