Our Cancer Journey, Part Eight: Date Night In: Life After Treatment

Last time, I shared about the crazy anxiety I suffered during flu season, and how the Lord helped me and guided me through it. But that winter wasn’t just about fear and worry. There were also some sweet times that we enjoyed as we stayed in and away from all the bugs out there.

A New Tradition
Before John’s illness, we’d had a dinner date every Friday night, rotating our favorite restaurants. During our “education” session before the transplant, we were instructed on the dangers of restaurant food. The clear message was that, with way too many variables in play, restaurants really are not safe and should be avoided. That stuck with us, so we decided not to resume our weekly date nights out. Instead, we had a “date night in” each week. We chose a recipe—something new I hadn’t made before—each week, and cooked together. We also did some baking. We had never cooked together before, and we found that we really enjoyed it! Some weeks, we even dressed up for our date. It was a very special time, and we made some wonderful memories.

We discovered that we had gotten into somewhat of a rut with our date nights, and this new practice got us out of it. Working together in the kitchen helped to build back our relationship, which had become somewhat sterile over the months of his treatment. The patient/caregiver dynamic is quite different from the husband/wife dynamic, and it can be tricky to maintain the marriage relationship in this situation. While John was happy to have me calling the shots during his treatment, as he got better, I saw that I had gotten a little bossy! During that winter, we began to piece back together the “couple” relationship we’d had before, but I think we put it back together a little better and a little stronger this time. Rather than letting things just play out in our marriage, we became intentional about building our relationship, and more active in serving one another.

Relationship Matters

That intentionality is important in any marriage, but especially in a marriage where one or both partners has a disability or long term illness. It is easy to let the relationship slip into all the practical issues in this kind of care, but we must remember that we are first husband and wife. Love, compassion, respect, and service all have to come together in the situation. I think it is easy, especially for women, to go into serving mode and neglect the sweet things that a wife offers her husband. It can be exhausting caring for someone 24/7. There were many days in the beginning when I just wanted to get done with what I was doing, and I noticed that I had become rather cold at times. I am glad the Lord brought this to my attention, and I did my best to add a smile when bringing his pills, or a hug when taking away his dishes.

Those were sweet months, and before we knew it, that long winter was over and we were freer to get out. We went back to church for the first time since the diagnosis in April. It had been nearly a year since we’d attended, and it was so very exciting to be back! Our church family had stayed in close touch with us the whole time, through calls, cards, email and social media. We never really felt isolated from the body or out of touch. I also had sent frequent emails updating the church family on what was happening with John, and I think this also helped to keep us in the minds and prayers of our friends at church. What a blessing it was to get back there, and actually see everyone face to face! We are forever grateful for our church!

Finally, our season of isolation was over. Next came all of the one-year testing. Would he be in remission? Still 100% donor cells? Had his organs come through the chemo and radiation without damage? More on that next time!